It’s Raining Cows!!

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So, it’s my first year in Delhi -2011- and almost ran over by a car. The same car does the same s*** to an old woman crossing the road and then seconds later screeched to a halt because a big fat Indian cow was taking its ungodly time to cross the road! Sometimes, our big fat Indian cows take their leisurely rest in the middle of the road and poor cars take a patient turn, careful not to scratch even the holy s** (scoffs then coughs). Imagine that done by us, humans in all fulness, we’d all be resting in government-funded ICU of AIIMS.

They scream at me when my tiny dog poop on the roadside yet they bow their heads in prayer when these big fat Indian cows take a huge dump outside their house?!

I wonder if Cows ever dream like us? Or if they have oracles? If they did, I am pretty sure they started seeing good dreams from 16th May 2014 (you know why!). I am certain they foresaw the good times they would be seeing all thanks to Cow Vigilantes aka Cow terrorism. Our big fat Indian cows simply didn’t tell us because they only communicate with Modi bhakts!

What if we had Rape Vigilantes too? Ooh! That’d be cool. But hell no! Brothers don’t turn on brothers, they gotta stick together, no? Even four years after the inhumane Nirbhayana case, rapes in Delhi have tripled! I hear the vigilantes whispering ‘nooo… our big fat Indian cows are more precious than our sisters.’

Let’s talk about 2016 and its great Beef-Ban. The Beef-Ban gave our big fat Indian cows its much-needed break from the slaughterhouse (although not for long before some of its provision got struck down). Many cow-heroes came out of their cocoon too. When cow vigilantes take on the pen to write, stuffs like 10 reasons we should have a national ban on cow slaughter gets penned.

Remember the time 6 Dalits were beaten for skinning a dead cow? Also, two cattle traders hanged from a tree in Jharkhand? Then the latest being the Alwar case where a Man was beaten to death for an alleged ‘cow smuggling’, which later on turned out that those big fat Indian cows were purchased by the deceased. Funny how vigilantes gave dead cows more importance than human lives. Look at it and beef-ban only gave a cape to the communal fanatics.

Think about how our farmers are taking their life every day but we are more interested in the welfare of cows! I hope PETA is proud of India and so is Maneka Gandhi. We are talking about Tax-free sanitary pads because only 12% of the 355 million women in India use sanitary napkins! But no! We are more interested in discussing how we should go about getting an Adhaar Card for our big fat Indian Cows!

Because, in India, we love animals Cows! Our motto is, Cows first, Politicians next; woman, children and the rest of living beings, last.

Hello, 2017! It’s raining cows.

[PS: I love our big fat Indian cows. I just wish we set our priorities straight. This post does not intend to hurt any sentiment except rile our illogical side]

Budding Entrepreneur | Fascinated by anything kooky & loony | If not writing, I am busy handling Public Relations

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